Why All-Inclusive Resorts Aren’t the Soul-Sucking Hellholes Others Say They Are
Welcome to the All-Inclusive Olympics: Let the Judgment Begin So how do you separate the resort royalty from the spring break purgatory? First, stop relying solely on the marketing photos—everything looks sexy with a wide-angle lens and some drone footage. You need to read real reviews (look for anything involving stomach issues or wildlife in rooms—both red flags) and know your vibe. Want peace and quiet? Look for adults-only resorts or properties with “preferred” or “club” levels—it’s usually code for better liquor, fewer children, and way more comfortable pool chairs. If you want to party? Lean into it and find a resort that actually encourages your bad decisions with themed nights, foam parties, and DJ sets.
Ashley & Nate
5/11/20253 min read
Let’s be real for a second—some people book an all-inclusive resort and then act shocked when it’s not a Michelin-starred paradise tailored to their every whim. If you went in thinking you were getting a luxe, five-star experience for the price of a weekend brunch in NYC, that’s on you, darling. Honestly, temper those expectations and revisit why you booked the trip in the first place.
Was it for the joy of managing everyone's dinner preferences across four different time zones? No. It was probably for the turquoise water, the soft white sand, and the sweet, sweet escape from cooking dinner or planning a group meal like you're the head of some dysfunctional family reunion. Because let’s be honest, traveling with a group is a vibe—until it’s not. Someone wants to be in bed by 9 after a buffet dinner, someone else wants to turn up until sunrise like they’re in a music video, and then there’s the person who can’t decide between the two and ends up annoying everyone.
The magic of an all-inclusive? You can all do your own thing without it becoming a logistical nightmare. Now, don’t get me wrong—not all all-inclusives are created equal. There’s definitely a hierarchy, and that’s what we’re diving into here. Think of it as a survival guide to avoiding bland buffets and awkward towel fights over pool chairs.
Why People Complain About All-Inclusive Resorts (and Why They're Probably Just Hangry)
1. “The food was meh. It’s all buffet and bland.”
Reality Check: You booked a beachfront vacation, not a culinary tour of Paris.
Rhodes Traveled Tip: Make dinner reservations at every restaurant on Day One. You don’t have to go to them all, but future-you will thank present-you when you're not panic-scrolling menus at 6:45 PM in a wet swimsuit. Plus, many resorts have at least one spot that’s surprisingly solid—like “Michelin-starred adjacent… if you squint.”
2. “The drinks are watered down.”
Reality Check: Yes, and that’s probably why you made it to sunrise karaoke and not the ER.
Rhodes Traveled Hack: Buy a bottle of your favorite top-shelf spirit at duty-free or a local shop, bring it to the swim-up bar with a smile and a $20, and ask the bartender to serve you only that with your mixer of choice. Instant VIP.
3. “There’s nothing to do!”
Reality Check: You’re in a tropical country—not a time-out corner.
Rhodes Traveled Reminder: You don’t have to stay on the resort like it’s a cruise ship that might float away. Book an excursion! Visit a local town. Zipline. Take a taco tour. Just go do something. Resorts are your cozy home base, not a velvet prison.
4. “The resort was overrun with kids and spring breakers.”
Reality Check: That’s not the resort’s fault—that’s poor intel.
Rhodes Traveled Lesson Learned (the hard way): Not all resorts are adult-only or even adult-tolerant. If you’re traveling over spring break and trying to celebrate your anniversary without being dive-bombed by beer-soaked 18-year-olds playing Marco Polo in neon, choose wisely. Look for adults-only, club-level resorts with multiple pools, a decent gym, and enough restaurants to support your indecision and appetite.
5. “It felt too structured / too unstructured / not ‘authentic’ enough.”
Reality Check: All-inclusives are what you make of them. If you want curated chaos, it’s there. If you want chill, beachy nothingness, that’s there too.
Rhodes Traveled Motto: The beauty of an all-inclusive is freedom with a side of convenience. Want to nap, snack, swim, and repeat? Go for it. Want to use it as a launchpad to explore ruins, waterfalls, and downtown life? Also valid. You do you—just do it in flip-flops.
Moral of the story?
All-Inclusives aren't soulless tourist traps—they're adult daycares for people who want zero spreadsheets, no group chat arguments, and maybe a tan. So tell your sister-in-law to take a seat, pass the guac, and let the bartender know: you brought your own bottle.
And if you do want five-star treatment? Plenty of all-inclusive resorts offer exactly that—private butlers, rooftop plunge pools, champagne on arrival. You just have to know where to look... and maybe leave the TripAdvisor reviews to people who aren’t mad about the color of the napkins.
