Why Frankfurt Airport Is the Travel Equivalent of Stepping on a LEGO Barefoot

Ah, Europe—the land of wine, cheese, ancient ruins, and layovers that will test the very limits of your sanity. If you're flying in from North or South America, chances are you're going to end up connecting through Germany. And if the travel gods are truly vengeful, that connection will be at Frankfurt Airport.

Now listen, we're not here to drag an entire airport for sport—but actually, yes we are. Because if you can avoid a layover in Frankfurt, do it like your trip depends on it. Because it might.

Let’s set the scene: You finally land after surviving eight hours in economy next to someone who thought garlic was a pre-flight snack. You’re ready to stretch your legs. But instead of pulling up to a jetway like a civilized traveler, you’re dropped off on the tarmac like you're arriving to a budget safari lodge, not one of Europe’s busiest airports.

“Where’s the gate?” Oh, sweet summer child. There is no gate. There is only tarmac. You sit on the plane. You wait. Why? Because you’re waiting for a parking spot to open up… on the tarmac. You can't make this up.

Once your plane finally parks in what feels like Zone 5 of the airport’s forgotten airfield, it’s time for the shuttle buses. Plural. Because apparently, even planes need public transportation now.

If you’re on a large flight, pro tip: sit near the front of the plane. That way you can snag a seat on the first bus. Because if you’re on the second one? Prepare to wait for every wheelchair and mobility assistance passenger to disembark—because Frankfurt is many things but fast is not one of them. That alone can tack 40+ minutes onto your connection.

Once the bus departs, you’re treated to a scenic 15-minute drive across what might be the largest airport tarmac known to man. You finally arrive at what appears to be somewhere near customs. Then the real fun begins.

Customs is a maze. It’s escalators. It’s hallways. It’s poorly marked signs and somehow everything looks the same. Get your passport and documents ready and pray that the lines are short.

But wait—are you connecting to another country? Then congratulations, you get to go through another round of document checks. If you're connecting anywhere outside Germany, welcome to International Transfer Limbo, population: confused and sweaty travelers who made the same mistake you did.

Now, this is where it gets cute: Frankfurt likes to play “Gate Hide and Seek.” You think you’re heading to Gate A17? Great! Just follow the “A Gate” signs, right? Wrong. A17 (international) is on the second floor. A16 (domestic) is on the first floor. Miss that detail and you could be running in circles like you’re trapped in an IKEA with no exit.

And if you thought your bus days were over, think again. If your connecting flight is parked on the tarmac (because of course it is), it’s back on the bus for another 15-20 minute shuttle ride. Bonus points if you get there only to find out you have to wait another 30-40 minutes for the second busload of passengers to arrive. Yay, bonding time!

Now, unless your final destination is Frankfurt (in which case, best of luck and Godspeed), you need at least a 4-hour layover here. We are not being dramatic. We've sprinted through this airport like we were trying to catch a train in 1997. We've been drenched in sweat, begging strangers to let us cut in customs lines, only to arrive at our gate with seconds to spare—or worse, after final boarding.

Once, in a rare twist of fate, everything went smoothly. No lines. No delays. No bus queues from the seventh circle of travel hell. We still clocked 1.5 hours from plane door to gate—with a full-on airport cardio session.

Another time? Three. Whole. Hours. Just to get to our final gate.

So yes, Frankfurt has bratwurst, efficiency, and probably a great museum gift shop. But as a layover? Hard pass. Fly through literally anywhere else if you can. Amsterdam, Munich, Zurich, Mars—just not Frankfurt.

Happy travels! And may your layovers be short, your gates be close, and your buses be non-existent.